Watching Dr Phil drunk is worse than watching Dr Phil sober. I have to close one eye to focus on the screen but I can’t help but think that this girl is too classy for this guy who won’t rent her a DJ for their wedding it’s sad to see people settle for garbage just because geographically it makes sense. I probably don’t make sense no matter where I am geographically, but that’s ok because I think I have been over-served. I am surprised no one emailed me asking me what I’ve been drinking, but not that surprised considering I get no email except from a girl named Tanya who told me I write like a 15 year old with angst and she didn’t like that my emails are in point form, but what does she know…she works in a museum. She sent me a link last night of an accident scene, there was a dead bloody body in the pictures and I don’t deal with that shit very well so Tanya you whore – you let me to the bottle today….
Speaking of bottle, Christina Ricci kinda looks like a water-head who is still fed by a bottle at the age of 25. A water-head is a retard. Not the Forrest Gump kind of retard who works at the coffee shop by my house and who always smiles while steaming milk but like the kind of retard who thinks he just went to Disney Land when he’s really just playing with rocks in the backyard. I am talking the kind of retard who likes dancing, swimming and getting erections in public and masturbating that erection while being walked around on a leash by some long-term care facility worker because mommy and daddy had 2 normal kids after him and want to pretend that the he never happened.
In all seriousness, because I am drunk and vulnerable, I want you to know that I am not a mental or physical retardation hater. I am actually convinced that they don’t carry around all the shit you do…the same shit that makes you a bad person. They are like puppies only more human.
Either way, I wish she was retarded cuz retarded girls are easy. All you need to do is find out what institution she was at, then apply for the orderly job, then tell her how pretty she is….PERVERT.