I have received a few submissions for the you want to date a stripper contest and this is Entry #1. I don’t know if the date is still on, the stripper read the comments on the post and freaked out on me. I may have to pay the stripper to date one of you, but I still have hope and the contest is still on. The goal is to document the date and make a stepTV episode out of it, I just haven’t decided when the contest ends or how it’s going to happen, but none of that matters right now because this is only entry one. We’ve got plenty of time for this to fizzle out and die like all my other great ideas…
Dear Jesus,
I need some fame so I can afford Valtrex and kung foo lessons. I hear you make people famous. Maybe we can make a deal.
I’ve written you on myspace before and you ended up wanting some naked pictures of my girlfriend. I was tempted, just because I’m an asshole, but then my computer was stolen when I was drunk at some hipster party with my face between some chicks unshaven legs. I hope they enjoy the Fisting Teddy Ruxpin fetish portfolio I started…god, I was so close to making it big. That shit would have sold like hot cakes.
I’m a devoted drunkenstepfather.com reader (even joined that shitty Trendster thing which I think I’ve been on once cause I still think it sucks worse than sticking your twig and berries in a dirty vacuum attachment). I guess this would be the second time I’ve written you, and you can blame “Date a Stripper� for this shit.
I looked at that stripper chicks pictures and I can say that yep…kinda’ attracted, at least to her ass, but still not sure. I think she has a few ugly trees in the forest…it might be the transformer face syndrome. You know the disease, the one where the face changes shapes and weights whenever the light hits it at a different angle, and to tell the truth, I’m not too sure about her tits either, they might be filled with applesauce. Don’t get me wrong; ever since I was three years old I’ve loved apple sauce, I’d usually eat it after Saturday morning Cartoons, which would also apply towards your stripper friend. Bonus?? Not sure.
My proposal: I showed the Date a Stripper post to my girlfriend and she thought the chick was hot. And that’s where we need to help each other out.
I want you to document the making of a threesome. I’ll attach some preliminary pics…I can guarantee that if this chick heads down this direction, or if we head up there you will get naked pictures of her and that stripper friend of yours together, with toys, shaved gerbils, Chuck Norris, and a whiffle ball bat (and yes I will try and stay out of all the photos, cause I’m probably as ugly as you). How bout them apples? A live blog documentary! THE MAKING OF A THREESOME! I will even use my United Mileage points for airline fare to Denver Colorado for the action and adventure…Is she Canadian? Fuck I hope she has a passport.Write back if you’re not too drunk, or if your wife isn’t forcing you to break out your cunnalingus skills on her poonternanty.
-Mr. Chris