I got home in the wee hours from my make-out and martini bender (i already told you about it). I decided I should probably put a lil something in the belly because I don’t want ulcers (my Korean ex-roomate got ulcers from being a party-slut legend on both sides of the ocean). Since I was fucking wrecked and could barely walk straight, I thought the boy shorts I use as underwear were a fine choice for running out into the street and stumbling into the bodega a block away (seriously, these shorts shrunk so much in the wash they can’t even pass as daisy dukes). I also thought the T-shirt I sleep in didn’t need a bra, even though it’s so old it’s see-through.
Me and my camel-toe bought some wheat thins. I could tell the Chinese dude behind the counter was a little shocked, not by the fact that i was half naked and nippley, but by the fact that i wasn’t buying a 40 of Corona, which is what i usually do when i visit his fine cash-only shit-shack. I lost a $2 flip-flop on the way home, but didn’t care since a shoe that can’t stay on my foot when I am hammered isn’t worth having. I don’t mind going partially barefoot because i don’t mind riding bareback, which i plan on doing this weekend, and you just might get to hear about it.
This morning i arrived an hour late to work and threw up in the bathroom. This party slut diet is working wonders, but i hate puking. I am still feeling a little drunk and hungover, but at least I remembered to button my shirt before i showed up to work, unlike this Brit actress Billie Piper on the set of her new movie (whatever that is). Billie was Rose Tyler on “Doctor Who.” Now go fantasize about playing doctor with Billie. Imagine giving her a breast exam.
Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)