Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:
You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.
Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra
Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own
Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart
Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support
Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless
Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….
Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…