I am dying of some kind of cold that I don’t really understand where it came from, but seems to be the story of my fucking life. I think living amongst filth and rotting garbage is just not good for me and the last 5 years, I’ve had more nasal issues than a ratty coke slut who’s been railing lines of blow cut with shards of glass. I don’t know what it is but my sinuses bleed, are constantly congested and leave me with a more nasal voice that a Jewish kid with asthma, allergies and a deviated septum. I can’t ever speak properly and sound like a cross between a gay dude and duck and I’ve gone to the doctor with no real solution, so I just live with it.
What’s happened with this disability, is that I have found beauty in girls with no sinus problems and who have clear breathing passages. It’s my fetish. It’s like the fat chick dating the skinny dude, the short guy dating the tall girl, the white guy dating the black girl. It’s the whole opposites attract shit and there’s no website offering that kind of porn…but here is Kelly Ripa doing a close enough job for me to fall in love with her clear her sinuses, that little slut makes me want to fuck my chronic sinusitis into her and by chronic sinusitis, I mean semen.
In less interesting news – Heidi Montag was on the show dressed like a cheap fucking horse-faced prostitute wearing her very own line clothing.