Marla Maples called up the paparazzi again because she had a “workout” scheduled on the beach again and she wanted the word to get out there that she’s fit and hard bodied and 40. I can only assume she likes the ego boost she gets when magazines feature her as the hot over 40 beach body or she’s trying to get some initial buzz for a workout or diet book she’s working on, or maybe even a workout or fitness show she’s trying to sell because she needs something to do as spending Donald Trump’s money is getting old and tired for her.
Speaking of fitness, a friend of mine decided to call me up last week and tell me that people who jog an hour a day live longer than people who don’t jog. They just found this out in some controlled research, which I thought was funny, considering it’s such a fuckin’ obvious discovery, they’d be better off spending that money on something like curing aids or some shit, and dude wanted to inspire me to exercise because he’s the kind of guy who quit drinking and partying and found yoga, meditation, weightlifting and jogging as his new high and has lost weight, got his blood pressure own, has seen it affect his everyday life by giving him self-worth and self esteem, structure, energy to get things done and since quitting his old life has turned things around to getting a job, buying a condo, finding a hot younger girlfriend and is now living the yuppie life of going to the market to buy organic greens and natural supplements, going on vacation to places like Costa Rica where he goes on long distance runs in the jungle and white water rafting has quit eating meat and dairy and thinks he is going to live to a hundred, and he wants me to get up on his program to really turn my life around. Well, I got a call yesterday and it was his girlfriend, he got hit by a car a couple days ago and they don’t know if he’s going to make it and if he does, they don’t know if he’s going to ever walk again, so I guess fitness also kills and he shoulda just stuck to living in the gutter with me, cuz if he did, none of this woulda ever happened.