I know you jerked off to Vana White before the internet existed and your mom threw out all her old Sears catalogs, national geographics and if you were lucky enough, Victoria’s Secret catalogs…and you didn’t have MTV….and all you had was Wheel of Fortune….
And I know you jerked off to Cheryl Tiegs when you first got your hands oN SI swimsuit edition, before the internet and this was the only smut you could weasel into your house without scaring your mom….
And I know you jerked off to Susan Lucci when you stayed home “sick” all those days you were too scared to go to school because you always got beat the fuck up for trying to grab at the Quarterback’s tits…
And I know you jerked off to Raquel Welch because she had huge tits…
And I know you jerked off to Nancy O’Dell back when she was relevant….
I know this…cuz I did too…here’s a bonus that’s not really a bonus, J.Lo was there and she thought she was at her cousin Jorge’s First Communion in ’87 or some shit…