Anastasia Ashley, surf babe you’ve probably already heard of…assuming you read the internet…or watch WHITE GIRL SURF TWERK VIDEO …or if you’ve been to this site before because I track her every move…at least that’s what I tell her telepathically…over twitter…and every once in a while write about it…because I just can’t hold it in…and hope that maybe one day she’ll notice me and decide to be my friend and lover and wife til death do us part…by sitting on my face…and choking me the fuck out.…and by friend and lover and wife I mean whisper romantic words like “security, get this creep out of here” when I run into her at a public event I know she is at because she tagged herself there on the internet…and introduce myself…hey, it’s better than a restraining order…
Well, today the internet brought me this ridiculous, obnoxious, hand job emoji shirt that I love…some people hate…but that is amazing and inspires me to do what it’s telling me to do all over my belly..while staring at this pic…thanks to it being worn with bikini bottoms…and being hot hot hot…unfortunately…I don’t rock an eggplant, but I do rock a baby carrot..and I don’t squirt..I kinda just feel pain…but at least I can live vicariously through this shirt…it’s aspirational…