The Teen Choice Awards happened last night – and I watched them. Not because I like teens, in fact it was actually the total opposite of that. I just wanted to see what the kids were into these days, and as expected, it was filled what must be brain washed from the media, really silly, not even good looking, young stars who all kind of looked the same, acted the same, and reminded me that we’re all fucking doomed…
Here’s the top 10 people I noticed there…but barely cared because I didn’t find any one of them hot…compelling or exciting. The industry has gone to shit, and I’m not just saying that as a jaded asshole. It’s just a bunch of fucking cheesy, uninteresting people and Shailene Wood-whatever the fuck her name is talking about cancer patients because she did a movie on cancer and now she’s in tune. Fuck off. Phoney.
1- Chloe Grace Moretz because you’re all perverts and loved her in Kickass
2- Jordin Sparks because she has Horrible Cleavage…and you love horrible cleavage on even the most irrelevant American Idol trash
3- McKaley Miller Cleavage because I’ve never heard of her, but her cleavage screams “I may end up in porn”
4- Bella Thorne because we always need a good fire crotch in Hollywood to balance things out, especially one that is becoming more and more famous due to limited options, who has a slutty naked hipster sister.
5- Cher Lloyd because she survived Demi Lovato’s ass rape…to be famous…and I respect any whore willing to whore to follow her dreams…
6- Sarah Hyland was the host, totally uninteresting, or funny, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re a fucking robot.
7- Lea Michele because she’s trying to be hot, and she’s so not hot, but no one is telling her, everyone around her sucks up. So here she is making a fool of herself and has no idea of it. Always a good time.
8- Hailey Baldwin because she’s doing the Baldwin Genes alright – thanks to an injection of Brazilian model daddy Steven Baldwin stuffed…She’s the Baldwin Ireland wishes she was…
9- Ariana Grande Leads With her Chin…because her speech on never taking no for an answer, because she’s never heard no, she’s a vapid spoiled cunt with an ego of a mother was as inspiring as her gay as fuck brother coming out on Big Brother…
10- Kendall Jenner was there with her big dumb ass sister because they won
11- Taylor Swift is Good and Skinny because she’s hanging with models, possibly lesbian with models, all those boys she went through has left her realizing that getting eaten out is where the orgasm comes from…so stick with a chick – it comes without all the headaches of being cheated on….
12- Shay Mitchell because she’s relevant on a Relevant show and probably the best looking of the bunch….
13- Haley Joel Osment in Drag – because being the cute kid growing up fucks you up when you hit puberty – which coincidentally is the time when any girl becomes cute – thanks to tits and dudes being perverts – she he did what needed to be done.