It turns out that I wish my face was Taylor Swift’s bike seat…which I guess Karlie Kloss and Calvin Harris’ faces are……because you know this orgasm hungry boss lady who makes a lot of fucking money and controls her empire…is all about riding facess like they were bike seats…and apparently is also into riding bike seats like they are bike seats…all reminding me of that summer I had a bike seat fetish..on those hot days…sniffing communal bike seats all the girls who weren’t wearing panties under their skirts…rubbing up against it…because no one ever things of the weirdo who takes that communal bike into the basement of his house to jerk off when they are riding it…and I guess that’s what excited me…but not nearly as much as Taylor Swift…