Lindsay Lohan is everything…I forget she exists most of the time, but it’s my birthday and I’ll never forget the magic that she has brought our lives…even though I generally forget Lindsay Lohan…because she’s totally uninteresting, she’s washed up, half dead, boring, and probably never going to have a comeback tour, even though all I want for her birthday is for her to star in the script I wrote based on her life….that involves her having sex with my face until I die….you know to help her win the Academy Award because I am just that talented, and that’s the line I would use to try to trick her when she’s officially hit rock bottom…and her crazy views me as the only hope she has…