In the greatest news in the history of news, during this dark and horrible 5 year news cycle, our girl Lindsay Lohan is back..
She’s clearly got a handle on her face injections, BOTOX treatments and overall wellbeing because the LEGEND is looking better than she has in a few decades.
For those of you who know, when I started this site it was at the early stages of the blog era of blogs, there were only one or two blogs outside of this one.
PerezHilton had just started, maybe JustJared existed, WWTDD.com was around and a couple of others…
Our crack team of experts thought that since Perez Hilton had Paris Hilton as their mascot, we’d do Lindsay Lohan. That’s was the extent of the thought process and a long and sordid love affair of me pretending to be obsessed with LOHAN began….
If you’re wondering, it’s a great strategy to
Since she moved away, married, had kids, opened a beach club, fell off from the Hollywood Machine, I’ve been consistent in saying that that girl will win an Oscar when she decides to make a comeback.
At the time, I was planning on being the person to pull her out of the gutter, to brush the soot off her face, to help cleanse her of all her baggage, to wash and cut her hair like a Pretty Woman meets Extreme Makeover….with a script I wrote for her in hand, because in this fantasy, I write Academy Award winning scripts…all to give her the part I wrote for her of a crackwhore survival story…sucking the right dicks out of the gutter….a story of redemption.
Since that never happened, I don’t know how to write and I forgot that as my plan because I’m very lazy and talentless, she’s doing Freaky Friday 2 with that dude Jamie Lee Curtis, which I am sure will be as shit as Freaky Friday 1 and no Oscars will be won…but this is a starting point.
Not that I’ve ever seen any Lohan movie besides The Canyons Prairie Home Companion – RIP Garrison Keillor a #MeToo victim no one noticed got #MeTooed…..but I know winning an Oscar is a load of bullshit and can be done…
So the point of the story, Lohan at 40 years old…is BACK.