I was featured in Penthouse Forums Magazine, which is like the Readers Digest for porn magazines. It’s all kinds of stories and fantasy letters and submissions and shit, so I don’t know how many people actually buy the mag, I am surprised anyone even buys magazines to jerk off to anymore anyway, other than when they are flying or something, because in case you didn’t know, the internet has lots of free porn.

Anyway, I am almost in the big leagues, only I am not actually in Penthouse but one of their off-shoots which is like fucking the ugly younger sister, but you’re still getting laid and they reviewed the wrong fucking site and instead of writing about me, they wrote about some sex toy shop, and it all makes sense because I suck at life and always manage to fall short in everything I do, which is a good thing, because if everything worked out for me, I’d never be here and if I was, I’d have pretty much nothing to talk about.

Point of the story is that I think it’s fucking hysterical and that’s all that matters.

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