I am - Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

2006

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

I know I am a bad stalker. I haven’t been keeping up my end of the deal. I said that I would do this stalker shit more often than I actually am, because a real is committed to the cause. I am useless at this and I think it all went to shit when no one believed us that Steve banged Darth Vader’s sister. Anyway, I have decided to not let that get me down and move forward on my stalking ways, because of Perez and Pink get shout outs from her on MTV, I want to be getting lawyers letters and restraining orders. That’s just how I role, not because I am actually creepy, but because it’s funny to make her and the people around her think I am.

Today’s message was sent to Brian Dannelly. He’s the writer and director of Lohan’s upcoming movie Speechless.

Brian,

I was told you wrote and are slotted to direct Lohan’s new movie called Speechless, I wanted to know if you could write in a part for a fat, 35 year old, mexican alcoholic. I can play the drunken friend of the socially awkward main character. My character will steal lohan’s panties throughout the movie until she is seduced by my creepy ways, resulting in a 10 minute sex scene, where I can’t get it up, but finish her off with my fingers. The movie should end with a double marriage. Only instead of hiring an actor to play the minister, get a real minister, and make the bitch marry me unknowingly. I have a feeling you have stopped reading this already.

Since this is a stalker post, you could always just send me her email address or phone number instead.

Cuddles,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Bonus: Lohan Promoting Just My Luck