I am - Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

2006

May

I am – Lohan Stalker Post of the Day

For those of you who know what these posts are all about, you can skip this and go right to the emails. For those of you who don’t, it’s pretty fucking basic. I email people who know or worked with Lohan. They have never emailed me back, but I know they get them so it’s still funny…these are some pics of lohan and DJ AM at a Parasuco flagship store opening…

So this is an email i sent Nino, the general manager of Parasuco.

Dear Nino,

I noticed that Parasuco invited DJ AM and Lindsay Lohan to the opening of their Flagship Store. As general manager of the company, I assume you were at that event. I am in the process of stalking Lohan, and was hoping that she may have tried on some Parasuco clothes as part of the deal you guys set up for her. I figured since we are both from Montreal, you’d be down with sending it to me for masturbation purposes. If you can’t pull through, I understand, people tend to ignore these emails and although it hurts my feelings, I am committed to continuing the quest that I call lohan.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and this is an email i wrote DJ AM.

Dear DJ AM,

I know you don’t find what I do funny anymore, and that’s okay. People go their separate ways and I can’t hold that against you. I understand that as you got more and more popular, associating with a shady motherfucker like myself could be damaging to your career.

The reason I am emailing you is because I saw pictures of you and Lohan at an event together recently. It was for Parasuco’s flagship store opening. I wanted to know if you have had a chance to tell Lohan that DrunkenStepfather is stalking her, and if so, does she want to go on a date with me? I feel like we have a connection, even though I haven’t met her.

I also wanted to know if you could hook me up with some pictures of her naked, obviously after you bang her…. I wouldn’t want it any other way and I think that since you and Richie are done, you banging Lohan (your ex’s friend) is the best way to dominate this kind of situation. Trust me, I am a relationship expert and don’t worry about me, you banging her won’t upset my stalking of her, it will just make it all the more easier, seeing as you’ll be sending me all those pics!!

If you have no plan on bangin her, her phone number or email will do for now.

Big up the DJ…..and send Alain My love….

Jesus Martinez