I am all about underage girls and now Amanda Bynes is no longer one. I used to like to go to clubs and spot the underage chicks, buy them a lot of drinks because they can’t handle their alcohol and take them home with me while they experienced the drunkest drunk they ever felt in their inexperienced drinking career, where I’d proceed to romance them by peeing on them while they slept. The police were only called a few times and I only had a few knocks on my door and when questioned I would tell them that I met her in the club, and didn’t realize that it was my job to card them before peeing on their drunk faces. I’d pass the blame on the bar and poor parenting, because what kind of parent lets their underage kids go out drinking, other than Lohan’s mom, who isn’t really a mom, but more of a Madame at a brothel trying to make her cut, where the parent’s I had to deal with were genuinely concerned with out of control daughters, but the point of all this is to say that Amanda Bynes has been out of statutory rape days for a few years, but still reminds me of my golden years.

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