I have never been to Vegas and I have never cum in my pants out of excitement. I was thinking this morning while lying in bed hungover after a night of self-medicating at the strip club, that life would be better if you came your pants everytime you got excited, scared, sad, etc. I’m talking any emotion you bust nut. Think about it, you get in a car accident, you bust nut…the cops pull you over, you bust nut, you have a presentation to make in school or to your boss, you bust nut…you get in a fight at the bar, you bust nut. It would make everything really funny…something I wish MUNG was.

I went to Vegas when I was 17 because my parents paid for it and thought I needed an eye-opening, life-changing, experience. Most parents send them to summer camp but mine thought it would be a good idea to send me to Vegas with my buddy and his gambling addicted, alcoholic mother. Like most 17 year old boys, it was not a problem to easily achieve a rock hard boner from a Golden Girls rerun and now I was put in the middle of the city of pure sleaze. I was in my element. The lights, the sounds, and the hookers! It was my first experience ever seeing a prostitute and I instantly fell in love.

There she was! A figment of every 17-year-old-boy’s fantasy. She was wearing black whore stilettos, a tiny black mini skirt, and a sports bra. She was walking funny like she had just had her assnole reamed by a pool cue and she had bloody trackmarks up and down her right arm. Her hair was a mess because she just woke up at 2:00PM from her all night coke binge, and her it had traces of semen in it. Her jewlery was aboslutely gorgeous and it looked like it had been recently bought at the local dollar store. What a thing of beauty! Her mascara was running, her lipstick was fire-engine red and smeared, and she smelled like a mixture of tuna and pine-sol which was probably just rotten pussy and gin. I instantly came in my pants and will never forget that beautiful hooker I crossed paths with that day.

Completely and enirley unrelated to this story, here are some pics of Brittany Murphy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted