Jesus is having issues right now, obviously. So you get to suffer through my thoughts/life until his dick/computer is fixed…
I am hauling ass to Brooklyn tonight to bar hop with my friend “Shanna” while she’s in town. Shanna and I made out once in community college, and since you whip it out every time a Girls Gone Wild commercial comes on, here’s how this went down.
We were at a party and our boyfriends ‘dared’ us to kiss like we were 6 and in the sandbox. Now as a hooker, I did one threesome with two guys once, one threesome with me and another hooker once, and was paid to get down and nasty with that same hooker in front of a bunch of suits as some sort of office bonding experience. I don’t get off on sliding around with girls, it’s just a lot of work and I already have the same parts. I also just hated threesomes in general and refused to do either combo again after the first time: two guys is really just homo, two girls gets so competitive.
But back to the story. I agreed to kiss Shanna since she seemed really excited and we had already seen each other naked before, so whatever. But mostly I did it because my ex-boyfriend was there with his new doberman-faced cunt, and all the hype drew a crowd, and he naturally followed. I wanted to make this fucker’s balls turn blue because he dumped my ass for this fat upstate slag that lived in his dorm, so he wouldn’t have to trek a mile to my place in the snow for sex. So I full throttle sexually assaulted Shanna, and we went at it for around 4 minutes, sucking face, grabbing ass, taking off each other’s shirts, cupping each other’s breasts under the bra, giving the audience just a peak, licking, etc.
Afterwards, Shanna and I complimented one another on the suppleness of our tits and lips. Our boyfriends were satisfied. Most importantly, I walked up to the ex and asked if he had enjoyed the show, he kind of stammered and walked away, trying to hide his raging erection. The ex, his hard on, and his bitch left immediately after that. At least I know that when he fucked his slut later, he was thinking about me. I win.
Here is MK and Ashley Olsen at the airport doing what they do best: looking skinny, electrocuted, homeless, and semi see-through. You know the thought of these two getting it on together used to turn you on because the only thing better than girl on girl is twin on twin. But they are doing there best to kill your dreams by looking like they rode in the baggage compartment. Try and masterbate. You can do it. The end.
I am – Ashley Olsen’s See Through Skirt of the Day
I am – Marie Kate Olsen Kissing Her Boyfriend of the Day
I am – Ashley Olsen’s in Her Panties on Vacation of the Day