Irina Shayk is a Sports Illustrated bikini model who probably should have been a mail order bride, or cam girl, but who crawled through the Siberian mountains, by way of some pro athlete’s dick…so that the would could celebrate her as a classy lady…even though you know she’s got a real dark side, that’s how she escaped, using her looks and that kind of hustle, makes her better than all the other Soviets who have been abducted and work cam rooms in the basement…

She may even be a cover girl this year…of a magazine that may not really matter but that is hugely popular and hugely american…better than marrying some fat dude in the midwest for a passport…and she may be the one who got away, but she’s also one of the hotter models out there, and I like looking at her ass in Yoga Pants…

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