Either she’s fat – or she’s that age where a married woman skips her pill to trap what may be her homosexual husband’s semen inside her uterus to secure that life of luxury – all to legitimize his sexuality…or she’s both.

It’s like metabolism’s slow down, people stop working out, and people get pregnant…but throughout all this, she’s got herself a ridiculous booty in what, if pregnant, is the perfect time to have unprotected sex with her so that you don’t have to deal with abortion costs, that shit is someone else’s burden…not that you’d ever have sex with Biel, and if you did, you would want her knocked up – because you are lonely, and it would give you purpose in this sad, dark world…not to mention – a better lifestyle – up on some K-Fed shit, but that’s not happening, you aren’t good enough for her…and her Seventh Heaven ego…

All this to say, if that’s not pregnant – I’d be surprised.

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Posted in:Jessica Biel