My Rita Ora Story is not a very interesting one…but I’ll write it out anyway, because what else am I supposed to do with this fucking bullshit blog I’ve been doing for the last 10 years, which happen to be the worst 10 years, of my life…

Anyway, I was at some bar drunk as fuck, I don’t even remember when or where it was…and some british twat was right next to me ordering a drink, or next to someone ordering a drink…and I turned to the dude I was with and say “Oh shit, we’re next to Kelly Osborne…she’s better in person, but still a dump truck of a woman”….then we went back to drinking…and forgot we saw Kelly Osborne..

The next day my friend called me up and said “Hey remember when we say Kelly Osborne last night, well it was Rita Ora”…to which I said “the Rihanna impersonator?”….

All this to say, she’s a bootleg artist from the UK, who looks like a better looking Kelly Osborne, but she’s got tits, tits I’ve apparently been in the same room as, but tits that didn’t approach me or ask to me sucked by me, so tits, I don’t actually care about…

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Posted in:Rita Ora