I was at a friend’s house watching Punk’d as I like to do on my weekends because Ashton Kutcher is so dreamy in his coked-up rampage that reminds me of everything I hate at college frat parties and Katie Holmes was the victim. I don’t remember what happened because shit was on in the background but I do know that she was a lot hotter back then. She was someone a lot of guys wanted to fuck in those days and even though I never watched Dawson’s Creek because I have a penis, I did see that movie where she was raped and killed and naked and I felt like the dude responsible deserved a high five, because all the girls I’ve raped have been ugly.

Either way, she really had something goin’ on that has been stolen from her by Tom Cruise and his cult and when I see her hard nipples all I see is an impressionable girl who could have been molded into anything but Scientology got to her before drug addiction and a life in porn did and that makes me sad. She’s like a fallin’ soldier who had so much potential to make me cum, but took the wrong wholesome turn.

Here are her nipples.

Posted in:Katie Holmes