I'll Make You Famous…




I am – Ugly Kimmy Stewart and Her Legs of the Day


I just rolled out of bed because I was tired and really didn’t have anything to get up for. It’s not like I have a job to go to, or appointments to meet and during the day is the only time my wife isn’t taking up 3/4 of the fucking bed and I can get some fucking sleep.

I decided that today would be a good day to treat myself to some lunch, so I end up in this restaurant half asleep and unshowered because I woke up hungry and the dude in line in front of me knows the fucking staff and is chatting them up. At first he’s being a little loud but it’s not that noticeable because I wasn’t really paying attention. Then asshole starts making lame joke after lame joke in this big fucking voice and I start thinking to myself that this asshole thinks he’s a fucking stand-up comedian and he fucking sucks and doesn’t realize he fucking sucks. Then I hear his friend ask him how his stand-up act is coming along, and it turns out the asshole is a fucking stand-up comedian, obviously not a very successful one and the kind who only has one good joke and that joke is that no one laughs to any of his jokes.

Either way, it got me thinking, how does someone decide to be a stand-up comedian. Do their parents and grandparents give them so much positive reinforcement by telling them that they are so fucking funny all their fucking life that they make the motherfucker tell jokes at family functions where the whole family cracks the fuck up because they are just as lame as he is because they made him but dude’s so fucking so drowned in compliments about how funny he is that he starts believing it and drops all inhibitions that normal people have and decides that it’s ok for him to take the family function act to the fucking public by being a total loud asshole in public when people are just innocently trying to do their jobs and people are just trying to innocently trying to order their food.

It was pretty fucking presumptuous of him to tho that to us, but I have a feeling that he thought he was doing us all a favor by giving us a free show, like in his mind I just walked into Bob Dylan busking on the street corner, but the reality of the whole fucking thing is that I didn’t buy a ticket to his show, I didn’t sign up to listen to shitty fucking jokes, I just wanted some lunch. Maybe I should have said something, but I got better shit to do , like stare at the chick he was with’s ass. Motherfucker.

Here’s some Kimmy Stewart who probably was told how pretty she was all her life by her parents polluting her brain into thinking she actually can go out in public without a mask on, but at least she’s got hot fucking legs to give me something to focus on…

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