Here’s Olympic Medal Winner and Playboy Model Amanda Beard and her boyfriend who you can pretend doesn’t exist, doing a photoshoot for Triathlete magazine.

I think I wrote that I don’t like girls who do sports because that shit’s too butch and reminds me of broad shoulders downing pitchers of beer at the sports bar which is not something I’m into. What I forgot to mention was that I liked swimmers. Not only are their bodies tighter than my pants and more hairless than the bottoms of my wife’s feet, but they love getting wet and running around half naked all the fuckin’ time because they’ve been doing it for their entire lives of hard training.

I remember the highschool swim team being the horniest, so when I had a chance to work at a local swim club as the towel guy, I took it. I was expecting orgies, group showers and constant vagina and titty slip, but the motherfuckers put me on the 6-10 year old boy team. Although that would have been a pedophile’s dream come true, it wasn’t what I was lookin’ for, so when they caught me hiding in a locker in the women’s changing room before their practice and they asked me to never come back. I was never very good at holding down a job, I guess I am just misunderstood.

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