Nothing says wholesome like seeing a pregnant chick rockin’ a see through dress when she’s ready to drop, other than ready to drop porn with internal cumshots because let’s face it, if a bitch is knocked up she’s already had a full medical and doesn’t have AIDS and can’t get pregnant a second time when she’s already packing a baby in her uterus….

Christina Aguilera is out with her pet monkey she let knock her up like she was lonely in the jungle or at the zoo, lookin’ for a good time and the only pussy around that won’t say no is living in the tree you’re sleeping under. Unfortunately, Christina Aguilera’s monkey isn’t the kind that leaves you coming home with AIDS or Ebola shitting your eyeballs out, but instead is the kind who has way too much money that no pussy can say no to, because women fuck wallets and not good looks, but that’s only because their pussies are shaped like an ATM machine that you can swipe your hard card through.

I had an experience with my own kind of Monkey this past weekend, I was drunk in a bar and this little gangster was standing behind me. I got pushed into him by the bouncer and told him to fuck off and dude reacted badly. He started screaming and pushing at me and even punched me in the back of the head. When I turned around to see what was going on, dude was having a fucking freak out. He was screaming at me and started throwing hundred dollar bills at me because he wanted to see it rain on them hoes, but unfortunately that money could have been better spent on real hoes because there was no way I was putting out. Little jiggy started acting out his hip hop video because of his identity crisis of being an obvious adopted by a rich white family black dude trying to find his black roots whose only tie to being black was the same as other rich white kids, which was rap videos. I left when he started to take off his lame bling while throwing punches in the air like Mike Tyson before a fight, but before he did I asked the bouncer if they always let their monkeys run loose in the bar…..

I’m not racist, I just call it how I see it, but this story will probably offend you, so to calm yourself down look at Christina and remember when she was dirty in a good way, and not in a pregnant damaged goods with baggage way. Cuddles.

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