I'll Make You Famous…




Rachel Bilson in a Bikini for GQ of the Day

Rachel Bilson is just one of those girl you’d see in the club and totally want to slip the date rape drug into her drink. She’s small and that makes it easier to pull her out by her hair without anyone asking any questions. Once getting her into the cab, you’d just tell the cabby how she just had one too many Tequila shots and that as her longtime friend you want to make sure she gets home safe so that some creepy dude doesn’t get her home and have his way with her, totally tricking him into thinking that you’re not that creepy dude taking her home to have your way with her and possibly even tricking him into giving you a free ride because you’re just that nice and more crafty that a group of grandmas at a church bazaar.

Rachel Bilson does things to me that not many other girls do. She makes me a bad boy. She’s like the girl the rapist said was wearing too short of a skirt and that’s what made him do it. The proof of that is that she made me watch a Zach Braff whiney Jew movie just to see her in one sex scene that lasted a minutre and she also made me watch a whole couple seasons of the OC in one sitting when I was at a friend’s house and the OC marathon was on and I had drank one or two too many cocktails.

The point of all this is to say that I am not a date rapist or any kind of rapist for that matter, but Rachel Bilson could have the power to change that, she’s the kind of girl who makes me want to try new things and explore new worlds but since the the chances of me being in the same room as her are pretty much slim to none, and since I am a pretty sexy middle-aged fat married dude that she’d totally want a piece of and since you can’t rape the willing, this post shouldn’t lead you to calling the police.

It should however lead you to be happy, because GQ has got Rachel Bilson doing some pretty magical half naked things and that’s a good way to start your day. Cuddles.

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  • Luke

    I don’t even know where to begin. Rape. Isn’t. Funny.