Pete Wentz is Cunt of the Day

2008

May

I realize why Pete Wentz married Ashlee Simpson, it’s because she’s the only one stupid enough to find his sense of humor and broken artist act charming and believable enough to have sex with and he had to do whatever the fuck he could to lock that shit down for fear of spending the rest of his life alone because he knows that the rest of the world knows he’s full of shit.

So dude’s decides to make a funny little mask out of a paper plate pretending to be selling ad space on his face because he feels like a walking billboard because people are all looking at him and thinks it’s funny to play off on that with this stupidity, in some sort of high school musical performance art project.

What dude doesn’t seem to realize that the only reason people give a fuck about him is because he’s some record label’s marketing tool to reach 14 year old girls, and in reality is a walking billboard for them in hopes of selling records because he sold his useless crying emotional and sexually confused soul to the devil when he got into this business so his bullshit comedic attempt doesn’t really translate very well.

He isn’t some misunderstood artist, he is just a tool being used, and paid accordingly by the bigger corporation that owns him. So as he tries to be punk rock about things, and while his cunt wife giggles because she thinks he’s being so crazy and that this whole thing is so fucking funny and wild, since she’s a fuckin’ sheltered idiot with no talent and has no idea what the fuck is going on, the rest of the world just shakes their head in disappointment and wait for the day that we read about a newlywed couple involved in a murder-suicide.

I guess the good news is that at least they have found each other and the funny thing is that if someone was to email his “douchebag.com” email, he’d only get to keep about 10% of the profits after running it by his management, label and PR team because this motherfucker is already owned as he is out promoting clothing companies, future record releases and closet-case sexual confusion. I hate this 5 foot 4 insecure piece of shit and what he doesn’t know is that he’s not making a joke, he is a fucking joke and his wife is fuckin’ ugly.