I met Tila Tequila once, if you count being in the same building as her when she was hosting a celebrity event after lying to one of the bouncers saying I was her manager getting me about 20 feet of her and not really bothering to check her out because I was more interested in seeing people who go out to get autographs by this nobody, because they’d probably be more than willing to believe me when I tell them that I have an MTV show nobody watches and that I am a guest of Tila’s and that if they show me their tits, buy me a drink and put my penis in their mouth, I’ll introduce them, but instead got too drunk to do much more than drink more and not talk to anyone.

She seemed nice enough, like she knew she didn’t deserve the attention she was getting or the money she’s made being a whore and a liar who isn’t all that hot, and that made her more appreciative to her fans, despite not letting them hug her. That night I found out that Tila had a boyfriend the entire 2 seasons of her show and that everything you see about her out in public is a fucking lie and all part of her image, including this fake titty cleavage and weird hipster headband, but the Alien head is all real.

Bonus That’s Not Really a Bonus – Here are some pictures of her really ugly lesbian publicity stunt, who was once Lohan’s really ugly lesbian stunt and who is trying to stay in the picture because her daddy wasn’t there for her all those years he worked long hours at Yahoo! and someone’s gonna notice her fuck, at least that’s what she’s hoping, what she doesn’t realize is that we all notice her, because she’s fucking uglier than my wife’s shit that I have to clean off the toilet, only more Jewish.

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