So Ashley Olsen went to Hermes to buy herself some luxury items. I walked into a Hermes store once, because I was drunk and thought it was called Herpes not Hermes and I needed to see what kind of shit they sell in a store called Herpes.
The sales staff weren’t too into me or my look and indirectly asked me to leave after I asked them how much Herpes go for. Then I saw a line of saddles on the wall and asked them if the saddles come with herpes or if they are made out of herpes. Then there was a line of ties and scarves that were all decorative and shit and I asked if the pattern was representing an outbreak or if the guy who made them had herpes. I was trying really hard to find the common thread in why a store called herpes was selling this expensive shit, was it because herpes is a white collar STD, or maybe one for executives and rich people because rich people don’t use condoms. I couldn’t figure it out….
When I started getting cornered by the staff because they caught onto the fact that I was broke, I tried playing the dot com millionaire angle, saying something like my ratty ass jogging pants are worth more than anything in the store, especially more than their 9 dollars an hour plus monthly bonus if they meet the sales objective salary, but they just had security escort me out while I was screaming shit like “I don’t need herpes anyway, you fucking whores”, it was a great fucking scene and when I found out it was actually called Hermes, I realized those sales people probably had no fucking idea what the hell I was talking about and probably kicked me out because they thought their lives were at risk.
Either way, Ashley Olsen throws a funny scene in this video yelling at the paparazzi shit like, “Get off the property, I am trying to close my gate, Get OFF the Property, I swear to god, GET OFF THE PROPERTY”, she’s so assertive, I guess that’s just the attitude you need to run a multi-million dollar company, by letting business managers and your parents exploit you from the age of 2. If anything, this is the equivalent of a brat begging their dad for a pony, since she’s the reason her dad’s not working at the steel plant anymore, so if he knows what’s good for him, he better deliver the fuckin’ goods because rich girls always get what they want and that’s what makes them crazy…
Posted in:Ashley Olsen|Yells