I used to jerk off to Kelly Ripa on the morning show. Then my TV broke. So I’d go to McDonald’s where they have free TVs and I’d watch her and I’d jerk off in the bathroom, but then I realized that it wasn’t Kelly Ripa that was turning me on, but the shape of my Egg McMuffin was and now I don’t jerk off to her at all. She’s old, has too many kids and looks like shit and here she is playing with balls, at least the only balls I really want to see her bony hand playing with, because she’s a fucking monster…

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Posted in:Kelly Ripa|Monster