I want to taste South Africa on my fingers and mustache and I’m not talking about Wold Cup Soccer, or Apartheid, or a high AIDS rate or any of that other shit that defines South Africa, I’m talking about Charlize Theron and silky South African juices, cuz this bitch has a special place in my heart…not because of her 1997 Playboy spread I owned a copy of before the internet, that I masturbated to enough to qualify her and I as being husband and wife officially, a marriage that has been pretty one-sided as she increased her level of fame to being someone who doesn’t need to do Playboy to get noticed, also increasing her bank account, pretty much going on to live the good life without me, while I have shown her nothing but commitment, loyalty and respect. I even wiped the cum off the pages of the magazine so that it stayed in good condition….and she gave me nothing…fuckin whore….I am sure there’s a lawsuit in this somewhere, I just hope it isn’t against me…but instead gets me paid…

Here she is pumping her gas…something my friend who worked at a gas station always thought was porn…he’d even bring home security tapes to get off…which I always found weird….Enjoy

Posted in:Charlize Theron