Steve Jobs is dead because he was busy inventing iphones instead of iclones who he could get spare parts, like pancreases from. So I decided to go out drinking til 5 am, where I met my future wife puke covered and getting fingered by some black guy. Lasting relationships start at 3 am pizza places….and ending with me throwing my iphone in a river scareming “Why God Why” to prove how invincible the quality of his made in china vision is….now I’m jobless and phoneless and thanks to my wife’s anger since it was her phone that I filled with pictures of naked chicks….soon to be homeless….

No one respects my dreams of being a funeral comedian. Everytime someone dies, I make jokes, lose followers on TWITTER and sure my awkard Steve Jobs / Pancreatic Cancer / Death / Apple a day doesn’t keep death away jokes just aren’t funny, but it’d be nice if the world humored me a little like I was one of those porn chicks…..

Truth is I never used a PC, I learned computers before PC existed, and re-learned them on an old Mac, so without Jobs, the world woldn’t be the same, because DrunkenStepfather wouldn’t exit. Jobs has held my hand indirectly while I jerk off, making me and him, pretty tight….sure everyone’s shitty

I’m sure he probably coulda done a lot more had he invented the iPancreas…but he didn’t…so RIP Motherfucker…and I’ll just scream “Why God Why” into my broken phone and broken keyboard.

Now FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER as I try to get over this unimaginable loss that CNN has been planning on publishing the dedicated section on for the last 2 years cuz they are classy like that….

Now everyone Rip your “T” of your computer for Tragedy. Let’s start a movement…a really really dumb movement…

HEre are some links…

Posted in:MHD