Tara Reid is an angel sent from heaven, and by heaven I mean some perpetual Spring Break in the sky, that is always eternal, and filled with fat necked dudes and fake titty bitches, like a Vegas pool party, where all walks of life, usually horrible places, come to live out their celebrity fantasies like they were J.Lo…by the pool, listening to bad music, wearing shitty bikinis, looking’ awesome with their ravaged fake lip plastic surgery…all wasted as fuck looking for rich dudes to fuck because rich dudes have bottles for them to drink and fun hotel rooms to get smashed in…

I mean I don’t think it’s a horrible life, it’s better than any movie she’s been in, even though she may or may be a little old for this, but sometimes it doesn’t take throwing away your youth, having kids who rob your life to make you the 60 year old in the Foam party rocking’ a Glowstick to Daft Punk…sometimes you can just never bow down from the college days…

I still think she looks good in a bikini, but in my defence, I’ve had sex with sandwich meat before…and it wasn’t even fresh.

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