Kelly Osbourne has mastered the bikini selfie for social media by taking her 500 pound body and making it look like it isn’t 500 pounds and I guess they call this “secret internet fatty” moves, which is really the foundation of the internet social media profile – dating profiles – something that if I met girls off the internet I would discover was fact – you know that 700 pictures and 8 apps to photoshop yourself so that your pictures look like they are out of a magazine…lie..that you sext with…but I don’t fuck with internet people because they are all fucking weird…yes I am the normal…

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