I don’t know who River, but I am going to go out on a limb here and say she is not River Phoenix, however she is probably young enough to be his incarnate, and really who cares, she’s naked for Purple magazine for photographer Darren Ankenman, and even though pictures bore the fuck out of me, I’ll still look at them, because it’s either that or the wall, or I guess my fat wife stuffing her fucking face watching some X-Factor bullshit, and River, running through it, is far more appealing…in fact, I may be in love…now I just have to figure out how to trap her into a forever marriage…and while I do that, you stare at her tits, because she’s an exhibitionist whore and we like that…admit you like when I refer to us as we…it’s like we’re in this together, even though I hate you.

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