I decided to escape my house last night when my wife was sleeping, I figured where can I go drink and find 45 year old women who will be sad and desperate enough to bring me up to their rooms to fuck…because they have nothing else going for them….so with the 50 dollars I took out of my wife’s purse…since I am that kind of lecherous man….I hit the 3 star hotel lobby bar…

I figured where would middle of the road people waiting to die enough to be willing to let me jerk off on their faces go…and that was the best I came up with…

It turned out there was another dude there, possibly a vacuum salesmen, wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt, and I knew I had no chance…because everyone knows anyone, even fat old slimy men in Hawaiian shirts are wild and love adventure…and in this guys case he was humping up on one of the two ladies at the bar…who were wasted….

I think they were dancing to “Love Shack”…but I just remember thinking I must be in hell….and around that time…the one 45 year old started having life coaching “girl talk” to her friend, while dude was trying to get in her…things like “I know you’ve been through a rough patch and that your heart was broken, but I think…..” it went on and on, they were crying…they were hugging…it was like some fucking group therapy…all while Hawaii rubbed the troubled one getting lectured hips…which is when I checked out…and said to myself….”20 year olds are so much more fun than these broken bitches”….and was reaffirmed on everything I already know…and that is fuck em young, cuz over 30s are broken…

That’s my advice for the day from the frontlines of middle aged hell…

Here are some morning links….

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