Coleen Rooney’s still in her bikini, this is day three of me watching the little pouch of fat above her bikini bottoms. I feel like we’ve become friends, like when I look at the picture shit’s talking to me, asking me advice and wondering what it should do later tonight, because it’s bored. I feel like it’d be good company, you know to grab a drink with, maybe rub a little, or bounce quarters off of, but I hear Coleen Rooney’s got no plan to let the fucking thing venture off on its own, she’s greedy cunt and she insists on keeping it all for herself to play with, forcing me to only maintain this love affair through pictures, if you know what I mean.

Posted in:Bikini|Coleen Rooney