So this 50 Shades of Grey shit is pretty fucking serious. 100 million copies of the book sold. 250 million views of the trailer and apparently…it’s not even that bad of a movie, at least according to some woman I know who is obsessed with the shit and got tickets to see the movie before other people…who would probably have loved it if it was a puppet show being put on in a park by homeless people just to remember that this book is responsible for her first orgasm and she’s in her 50s…

That said, Dakota Johnson plays the innocent girl, something that is probably a stretch for her because I know rich girls and historically, when their moms were slutty rich kids turned actors, they kind of fall into the same train of thought…unless of course she hates her mom and wants nothing to do with that whore life…and only limits her getting naked to movies she stars in to launch her career…

Not that it matters, what matters is how old her face looks…it’s like it has seem some shit..a little too wrinkly for a 20 something…maybe she’s on her mom’s cocaine diet…or maybe she just needs to hydrate..or a nap…lookin’ a bit like she’s been left in the sex dungeon for a week full of starvation, sex slavary and orgasms.either way, here’s some of her cleavage.

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Posted in:Dakota Johnson