Lohan in Vanity Fair

2006

Jan

So I just finished trying to have sex with a hotter body than you will ever witness and I couldn’t keep my shit up. I know everyone will say it’s no big deal – don’t worry about it – etc. But realize that when I was at the top of my game I could fuck like a fuckin monkey throws shit on his other monkey friends. I feel mildly useless but luckily I came across the Lohan Vanity Fair pics hitting newstands tomorrow. Now I feel pretty, like a 19 year old buying her first pregnancy kit. That’s right bitch I am talkin to you and your useless womb. Celebrities don’t use condoms, especially in Miami, that’s how Freddy Prinze Jr. was conceived, that dirty Mexican fuck.

See Lohan Buying a Pregnancy Kit HERE (AIDs and babies is what happens to sluts who don’t use condoms, tell your mom)