Marie-Eve Martinez here. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the youngest of Jesus’ two step-daughters and for those of you who do know me, it’s been far too long, I know.
Did you miss me? I’ve missed you!.
I got an email from Jesus late last night telling me that if I didn’t hear from him by this evening I should be prepared to take the helm for the day, possibly even forever, because his absence could likely mean he is dead in an alley somewhere, or at least completely comatose and passed out in a puddle of his own holiday sick – a lethal combination of KFC Holiday Supper for One, discount bottom shelf booze and/or cough syrup. I’m sitting here full after a long and over drawn Christmas dinner, and by Christmas dinner I mean a half a bottle of Jameson, sick of Christmas movies, Christmas decorations and if I hear one more Christmas song, I will probably puke. I’d like to meet the guy who wrote It’s a Wonderful Life and ask him just whose life he was talking about, or maybe just put a bullet in his head. Either or.
My brand new Yorkshire Terrier is humping my arm while I type this to an obscene amount. The dog, which I don’t particularly care for, was a gift from a guy I care for even less than the dog. He is a cute little bastard though – I’m speaking of the guy here, not the dog although the dog is okay too – and if anything that serves as a reminder that even though I hate Christmas, I do love cock, and if that means giving a small rodent a good home, I suppose I can. It makes me feel charitable this time of year without having to go work in a soup kitchen around homeless people that reek of piss more than Jesus does on a hot day.
Anywhooo, from all of us at drunkenstepfather.com, to all 6 of you reading this out there, we hope you have Happy Holidays. Or don’t. Whatever. Actually, we hate you and we hope you drive home drunk and kill yourself, or at least someone else.
But before you do that, you should probably click these links.
Hugs and Kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez
A 2009 Celebrity Bikini Recap You Don’t Want to Miss
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Merry Christmas!! Let’s Tackle the Pope
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Because I Know You’re Suicidal and Alone on Christmas
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This Just In: Britney Spears is Still Crazy
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Christmas Then and Now
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Santa’s Slay Looks Like the Best Christmas Movie EVER
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Rosie Jones Topless Christmas Card. Holiday Greetings From NUTS Magazine
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Gwenyth Paltrow is So Disgusting
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Mary J Blige Wouldn’t Punch Her Husband, But She Will Threaten Him
With Violence Until He Backs the Fuck Down – VIDEO
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The Top 10 Things We’ll Have A Hard Time Explaining To Our Grandchildren Of The Decade
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How The Grinch Touched Christmas – VIDEO
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Striptease of the Day
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Singer Amy Winehouse Charged With Assault
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Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
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Katy Perry Makes Me Want to Puke
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Christina Aguilera Makes Motherhood Look Good, Except For the
WHole Pushing a Baby Out of Her Vagina Part
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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If Santa Isn’t a Hot Slut, I Don’t Know Who Is
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Gabrielle Union in a Marc Baptiste Photo Shoot
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Ahhh to Find a Blonde in Your Bed
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How Not to Do a Burn Out in a Car That’s Way Too Good For a Person Like You
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More Drunk Sluts in the VIP
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Lexi is Masterbating
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Skater Boy Double Fail
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Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
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Lela Star is Sexy
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
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Adriana Volpe Topless
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Now THAT’S a Fucking Dildo
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I Wish This Slut Was My Christmas Tree
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Jennifer Lamiraqui Wants to Wish You a Merry Christmas
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Nikki, Sammie and Roxane Live Together
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Ginger Peels Off Her Lingerie
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WTF Photo of the Day
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Gorgeous Girls Gift Wrapped [56 Photos]
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Alison Angel Looks Great in the Sun
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Nuts – ‘Sexiest New Babes of 2010!’
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Violet Loves Christmas and I Love Violet
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I Knew Star Trek Had Huge Homo Erotic Undertones
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Bitch Needs a Brazilian
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Classic: N64 Christmas Kid
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Yeah I’d Fuck a Bitch in Tie Dye
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