This is what Paris Hilton looks like leaving the gym. As a fat man, I have no idea what happens inside a gym, or what is considered to be stylish gym apparel. I find the tri-color leopard print as classy as Brooke Hogan. But what the fuck do I know. I remember in elementary school, we had a lunch monitor who is probably the reason I am the way I am. She used to rock the tightest jeans, highest heels, tons of make-up, low cut shirts and bleached blond hair. A total fucking pornstar of a woman. She had a weird kid with a mullet who was in my school and a husband who wore leather pants. Shehad lots of animal print outfits. The family reminded me of Busch Gardens.

That’s the story I heard.

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