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I am the first to admit I am a lazy fuck. I get unmotivated cuz this shit doesn’t make me money, I get constant hate mail and it’s summer. I have been hanging out at Starbucks seducing 15 year old girls in grade 10. Their dad’s are rich, so I figure if I knock them up, I’ll be set for life and 14 is legal.

I turned on my one channel to see Regis and Kelly hosting a wedding. I always found the talk show weddings tacky as shit, and I am not a very classy person, so that means they are bad. The groom’s always some Army dude rockin’ his bullshit uniform, because I guess he’s proud to be American or some shit. Deep down inside, he’s probably kicking himself for dropping out of highschool, because as killing Arabs for his country may be, there’s a big chance of him coming back without a leg or in a coffin….Point of the story is, what happened to only caring about ourselves? What’s with all this national pride? Fuck the Army, get a job at Wal Mart, everyone else is doing it.

Unfortunately, not everyone else is getting eating out in public like our favorite Scandanavian set of fake tits, because if they were, I’d never stop masturbating.

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