I have just applied for a job at celebrity blog thesuperficial.com because I think it would be funny to get hired and do everything I can to bring them down while making some money off writing for the first time in my life. I’ll let you know if I get the job.
This is the bio I wrote about myself:
Jesus Martinez is the top celebrity blogger on the internet according to him. With a loyal fan base of 12 he brings the latest in celebrity gossip, nipple slips and vagina shots Hollywood has to offer. There was a time in Jesus Martinez’s life where he spent his days drunk and high and this life experience is reflected in his work.
There is no competition. He is better than anyone else including whoever the cunt you currently have writing your site. You should take advantage of the fact that he is broke, desperate for money and ready to start getting paid for his craft.
Jesus Martinez likes girls who have webcams, the color yellow and all things that involve self medicating. He is an emotional eater like the fat girl in your highschool and always wanted to be a professional ice fisherman, but could never find the ice.
Help Jesus Martinez find the ice.
Jesus Martinez also loves sitting, has an old TV he found in the trash and often finds himself watching Oprah on the one channel he gets.
Jesus Martinez married late in life to a lonely obese women with 2 stepdaughters but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a goodtime. Just last week he got caught spying on his neighbor in the shower, he won’t admit that he was in the wrong because she left her bathroom door unlocked. The police were never called.
Recently Myspace deleted his profile because he wrote about Female Ejaculation and how his life goal was to package it at sell it at every convenience store across America. It was intended to be the next big thing in energy drinks but he could never land the funding.
His last employer was at a local canning plant, where Jesus made sure the labels were on straight, but he got fired for trying to convince the receptionist to insert a can of peas in her ass and a can of creamed corn in her pussy.
Always an innovator and willing to work as hard as it takes, provided it takes less than 6-8 minutes a day.
Jesus Martinez’s website is currently the number one result for Bijou Phillips Aids, number one result for Kim Kardashian Pussy and the number 2 result of American Idol Blowjob all in Google.
Jesus Martinez has live blogged such high profile events as the Academy Awards, the American Music Awards and Lohan’s Appearance on Letterman.
He has also stepINTERVIEWED people like Montgomery Moose, Myspace Girl in a Bikini and the DJ in a picture with Lohan.
The success doesn’t end there, he has also personally stalked Lindsay Lohan as well as made numerous harassing phone calls to Paris Hilton and the guy who runs the cigar shop down the street who tried to rip him off, but he never chose to publish that, it was too close to his heart.
If you are looking for passion, good times and a grasp on all thing better than you, he is your man. The virgin chronic masturbating readers you currently cater to will find joy in his work.
If you’re looking for an article I wrote for a magazine that never got published check this out GO (It’s called how to have free sex with a hooker and it’s from 2 years ago)
That’s enough bigging myself up, my site is a piece of shit and so are you for reading it. I suck at life and it’s just funny to pretend I am a star for a few minutes…A lot like Jessica Simspon. Jessica is like a shit rainbow, many shades of brown…nice and ratty out and about fresh out of waking up in the gutter, just the way I like my women….but only because those were always the only kind of girl I could land.
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