Jake Gylenhaal’s Beard has nipples…not that he would know…since they aren’t attached to Heath Ledger’s dick….a dick he still jerks off to whenever he can…because that’s just the kind of loyal queen Gyellenhaal is…

Her name is Emily Didonato, she’s an amazingly hot model, who has been hired to distract from Jake’s homosexuality, not because being a homo is a bad thing, but because being a homo takes away from his heart throb status to tween girls everywhere, which affects ticket sales to the shitty movies he is in and they can’t have that….

At least that’s the story I like to believe, because women in sexless relationships bring me so much more hope than girls happy with their rich and famous boyfriends…

Whatever her ladder climbing story is, I’d totally love to be behind her in line at starbucks while she was wearing her fitness gear….or even next to her at a hotel pool…so that I could stare from afar like a creep…like I do with so many other chicks I encounter….It’s my move.

This Baywatch inspired shoot for Double Magazine…is pretty awesome…

Posted in:Emily DiDonato|NSFW