I just woke up, it’s noon, and I realize that my life isn’t as bad as yours when it comes to being able to be lazy, since I don’t have to wake up or deal with some bosses shit all day as he makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit, caged and slaving for an hour lunch break to remind me what freedom feels like before going back to do my bullshit job for an unappreciative boss who is exploiting me.

The only issue with not working is that I don’t have a lot of money to do the things I want to do, even though everyone I know with jobs are almost as broke as me because they have to fuel their depression by buying useless things. But I guess I’d like to spend a weekend on George Clooney’s yacht like I was Cindy Crawford, because I always wanted to have a black man stand outside my shower to hand me towels because I find pickin’ the shit up for myself demeaning and too labor intensive and my life won’t be complete. I understand why my wife makes me wipe her ass and it’s not for medical reasons, or because she’s lazy, it’s because behind all her poor white trash ways, she’s got the same needs as a classy chick.

Either way, my life is still shitty even though I don’t have a job, but because I have a disgusting wife and on this Monday morning, Cindy Crawford has done a good job reminding me that as she she lives large with her hot 40 year old body.

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