Emily Ratakowski Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2015

04

Feb

Emily Ratakowski in Some Lingerie Video of the Day

Emily Ratakowski made a Valentines Day video, she probably got paid a lot, and her 5 minutes of fame have being a solid year and a half of fame, and in that year and a half of fame, she’s made a ton of fucking money….and may even be in a position to retire a much richer person than she would have been if she continued doing the free shoots….and the lesson here is that you don’t need to be tall, you don’t need to be a model, you don’t even need to be hot…to be famous for your tits…you just need a little marketing and a Pharell viral video and song to really solidify you exist…but like anything it fades out…what’s the expression “this too shall pass”…something I like to say in reference of my herpes outbreaks…but that I guess that can be applied to the herpes outbreak that is EMRATATATATA……

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2013

07

Jun

Emily Ratakowski Amazing Twitter Pic of the Day

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Emily Ratakowski is a model who is on the cusp of being a porn slut, in a good way, not in an actual porn slut who is broken, with daddy issues and drug addiction, trying to get ahead, because she doesn’t actually fuck on camera, she just gets naked all the fucking time, I’ve seen her vagina more than I’ve seen my mom’s vagina and my mom was a hooker and we had a studio apartment…sure my mom died when I was a kid, but in those 5 years her vagina was exposed 90 percent of the time, okay maybe my mom vagina reference wasn’t a good one, and maybe I’ve seen Emity RATATATATATTATAATKOWSKI’s vagina because I tattooed in on my brain, you know printed up pictures of it and wall papered my bedroom with it…you know maybe cuz I’m staring at it right now, because it is perfect…and so is Emily, that is why I have fallen in love with her, and can’t look at any other girl, at least not right now, when staring this twitter pic, because she’s got me trapped, sucked in and willing to sign my life over to her. Seriously. I’d do more than just write love songs for her, I’d even hide in her basement to surprise her when she’s sleeping, to sing them to her. She’s that good.

Posted in:Emily Ratakowski

2013

01

Apr

Emily Ratakowski Instagram’s a Nude Bunny Pic of the Day

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Emily Ratakowski is keeping me in the Easter Spirit, even though I’ve never really been in the Easter spirit before this moment. I never really fell for trash strippers in bunny costumes, and I don’t really have great family memories of Easter, from a catholic orphanage in mexico with a molesting priest, to an obese wife who just doesn’t stop eating cake, Easter’s been pretty horrible across the board, long weekend or not…but Emily Ratakowski, the miracle worker, the hottest bitch in the game, perfection send down from Heaven, like she may be the messiah, you know Jesus after resurrected, cuz that’s the only way I can explain the religious experience that comes over me when I see her. She’s got me speaking in tongues…tongues I’d like to shove in her ass….but in a loving and caring way….maybe we’d even play some love songs while we do it.

I’m a fan. This easter bunny shit is perfect. Keep it up baby, you’re inspiring me….to masturbate.

Posted in:Emily Ratakowski

2013

27

Mar

Robin Thicke featuring Emily Ratakowski Dancing Nude is the Music Video of the Day

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I have facial recognition blindness, so I am not sure if this babe is my favorite girl in the game, who is always naked, with awesome tits, dancing around topless, in their Youtube Video, a Youtube video that for some reason hasn’t been deleted, even though when I post a video of a girl doing squats in tight pants, I get deleted. Life isn’t fair.

When you’re dad is the host of “Win Lose or Draw Canada’ in the early 90s, the brain behind such TV theme songs as most of them, and the dad from Growing Pains, you get away with murder.

Or maybe Youtube considers it is art, I know I do, at least if it means seeing hot busty babes dancing around topless, and as far as I’m concerned, whether this is Emily Ratakowski or not, I think it is, and that’s all that matters…. and her titty dance. as far as I’m concerned is just her practicing for our first dance at our wedding…No, not for a future working in a strip club.

She’s just too good to be ignored. A talent I write love songs for. I’m glad she’s getting out there…by putting her titties out there…cuz things that look like this can’t be ignored…the song however can be if it’s not your thing, just click “mute”

Safe to say, one of the best videos ever, all it took was titties.

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