Kelly Ripa is a 300 year old corpse of a woman, but thanks to decades of starving herself she’s managed to maintain the body of a 18 year old with anorexia who hasn’t hit puberty yet, which I assume the industry celebrates or at least a dark corner of the industry….

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have jerked off to her on all your sick days, or unemployed days when you were too lazy to get off the couch to watch actual porn, because the shrills of Regis weren’t strong enough to throw you off your game….

She’s still a skinny mom, just older and the whole “cute and bubbly” has been replaced with annoying but the world or the 12 old people who watch morning television must like her since she hasn’t been fired….

She also clearly makes the money, far more than the Soap Opera days when she got knocked up by her husband and now co-host, because her bikini is designer….while hiding her stomach scars of motherhood and not spreading her legs to show us the other gaping results of motherhood all hanging off her skinny frame with no fat or muscle to keep it in place…just dried old atrophy uterus dangling out of her with nothing to hold it in her into her golden years.

I like it.

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