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DJ AM is the Messiah of the Day

I am not sure if you heard this story, but it was on the radio this morning so I assume you have. I never was one for breaking stories, I am more into being late on shit and announcing it to a room full of people like it’s the hottest thing ever, only to have everyone turn to me and tell me that it’s old news. I don’t know why but I find it exhilerating.

Anyway, the report is that after the plane crash DJ AM was getting skin grafts, the doctors found a potentially fatal blood clot in his leg, which happens when you fly too much, I think it’s called deep vein thrombosis but I only think that because I used it as a reason I was late for work a few years back at the canning plant. So if the plane hadn’t crashed, DJ AM could have potentially died as the clot moved to his heart, so instead God crashed the fucking thing, let him walk away with some burns, killing 5 people, just to save AM from death. Something doesn’t sound right, he’s gotta be the Messiah.

If you look at his history, he survived being molested as a child, emotionally eating himself to 360 pounds, smoking crack, an attempted suicide when the bullet jammed in the gun he had to his head, unprotected sex with lots of shady girls and the lead singer of Crazy Town, a one hit wonder band DJ AM was part of, gastric bypass surgery, dating Nicole Richie and pretending to like it, being a glorified Top 40 bar mitzvah DJ and not getting shot by the hip hop gangsters when he claimed to be hip hop, a plane crash, a blood clot (boh boh), dating Jessica Stam and her mental capacity of a hamster. This motherfucker is unstoppable. He must be fuckin’ Jesus, seriously, I heard they were spotted together at Avalon the other night and AM was eating his asshole….only he wasn’t the real Jesus, he was just one of the Mexicans AM pulled in off the street and carries everywhere, because he’s his special lucky charm. I don’t know what I am saying, but I do know this dude’s got more than just a massive butt plug in his ass, he’s also got a horseshoe, because that kind of luck just isn’t normal….maybe he is Satan…which would explain his DJ sets and chachi fan base….and I guess who really cares….

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