Here is a picture of Ashley Olsen at Whole Foods in LA this weekend. If you’re wondering why I am posting it, it’s because it was emailed in and I like to encourage everyone to send me pictures and this is what happens when you do. I think she looks pretty hot and I’d let her grocery shop for me anyday, but I think she’d probably come home with all kinds of lesbian shit when all I really like eating is cookies.
I went to the grocery store this weekend, because I had no where else to go and it was saturday night, I was drunk and figured any chicks shopping on a Saturday night was one looking for dick. So I saw some hot chick reading some US Weekly celebrity bullshit and was like “that’s my target” because if all else failed I could tell her I have a celebrity site that no one reads and she’ll be less nervous about some creepy drunk dude talking to her.
So she left the magazine stand and made her way to the fruit section. She was buying apples so I decided to put a bag of carrots in my pants so she’d think I had a boner and walked up to her and said that I am the creepy guy in the grocery store who preys on girls shopping alone. When she looked at me with disgust I asked her if she liked apples and how badly I’d love to watch her eat an apple, trying to keep my creep on, but then some dude who looked like he just left the gym who was buying lettuce 10 feet away came in to save the day.
He basically asked if I had a problem and that I needed to fuck off or he’d have to take care of me. Knowing that I had dug my hole pretty deep and that I needed to stop when I was ahead I relocated. Bitch thought dude was a hero and they ended up leaving the store together, so in a lot of ways I am a fuckin’ matchmaker and hope I get invited to the wedding so I can make a speech about how I introduced them.
If you want to read the story from the dude who took the picture – GO