I have a girl I sext who doesn’t know she’s sexting back… I’m like “baby show me your pussy”… And she’s like “I have a Bacterial Vaginitis, green mucus is pouring out of me”… You know a tactic to throw me off…I love the sounds of that, what’s it taste like, I want that VAGINA […]

Offering a whining girl protesting the American President pulling the plug on funding abortion – an abortion – the next time she needs one – because I can get a straw….and I am willing to spend all the time it takes sucking it out…will not get you laid, will not impress them, and will make […]

I like to tell girls that they are my viagra, when staring in their eyes and grabbing myself while licking my licks, as I wait in line for a Starbuck Pumpkin Spice Latte…especially when the girl in front of me, ordering the most obnoxious and pretentious drink you can order, because she’s a spoiled cunt […]

I would say I’m late at these stepLINKS, which is better than being late on my period, but that’s only because I spent the better part of the morning washing the whore juice off me… I guess I should do my stepLINKS in the morning – even though nothing in this life actually matters and […]

Nothing says “let’s celebrate the resurrection of your son of god” like a good old fashioned smoked ham, some carrot cake, and a day of hiding colorful eggs around the house, to brianwash children with sugar into believing the lie…it’s actually not based on early Christianity, but more on the tactic used by priests to […]

David Bowie’s album is number 1. Hopefully most pop acts try the same strategy after their album release…. So I was hanging with a girl who gave me zero fucking boners. Which is rare because even my Spaghetti Squash we’re eating instead of pasta gives me a fucking boner when I cut it open to […]

David Bowie’s album is number 1. Hopefully most pop acts try the same strategy after their album release…. So I was hanging with a girl who gave me zero fucking boners. Which is rare because even my Spaghetti Squash we’re eating instead of pasta gives me a fucking boner when I cut it open to […]

Bacon causes cancer – so does eating pussy…I won’t quit either, but let’s hope it gets all those bacon loving frat boys who talk about bacon all the time and make meme’s about the shit…because bacon isn’t that exciting, it’s not even a good punchline to a joke “Because #bacon”…and all things bacon…like the dead […]